Sonder

I haven't written in months because I didn't know what to write about. But, I'm back and I have a few things on the list. Let's start with this.

You, me, and everyone we know has their own life. One of my favourite bits of vocabulary I have learned is the word Sonder: the realisation that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Sometimes I look outside my bedroom window and just watch. I watch as the sharply-dressed commuter jets their way to work with a tight grip on their briefcase. I watch as the fatigued mum-of-three strolls her pushchair during the early hours of morning. I watch as the loud group of teenagers push each other around and laugh. Every single person has their own life. The same way you and I wake up in our house every morning and go to sleep every night. Sometimes we are so focused on ourselves that we forget that others experience life the way we do.

I wake up every single day in my home in London, England. A girl, the same age as me, wakes up every single day in her home in Germany, Sicily, Indonesia, Tuvalu or Kazakhstan. I get up from my comfortable, warm bed and brush my teeth, then make myself an iced coffee. A girl, the same age as me, wakes up and thanks God for giving her the opportunity of seeing another day. I watch YouTube on an electronic device with my glasses that help me see better. A girl, the same age as me, helps her mother plant some vegetables in the ground. I simply go about my day, thinking about what I am going to eat for lunch and dinner and what activity I want to do next. Naturally, I do not think about this girl, the same age as me, and what she is doing the very moment I am brushing my teeth. Naturally, this girl is not thinking about me, and what I am doing the very moment she wakes up.

Human beings are, for the most part, selfish. We have to be selfish as an optimum for survival. If we did not think about ourselves most of the time, how would we live? Psychology even suggests that there is some element of selfishness even in altruism.

We have friends and family that we deeply care for and cherish. Just because we are biologically ‘selfish’ beings does not mean there is no space for love and care for others. Of course there is. The same way I wake up every day and experience life, my mother, father, brother, teacher, and bestfriends do too.

The elaborate feeling of Sonder makes me want to emphasise kindness. When I visit the store to purchase something, there is a cashier. I do not know their name, their age, what they have gone through. I just view them as ‘the cashier’. This cashier is a human being, who has a family, potentially a group of friends, ambitions, dreams, and goals. They are there to earn money and I am there to exchange money for an item. This very surface-level mindset is something I am trying to discard. I’ve always been fond of good manners and I can’t stand when people don’t have them. A simple ‘please’ ‘thank you’ or ‘have a nice day’ is such a minute way of being kind. I’ve been binge-watching a lot of Yes Theory on YouTube during quarantine and I love one of their messages: a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.

One of my missions for now is to practice kindness at a heightened level, and to keep in mind that every single person on this earth has a life and is just as important and valuable as I am. Remind yourself that every one you brush shoulders with on the street, sit next to on the train, or exchange money with at the counter is living this life the same way you are. No one has figured out life yet, and we are all here together. Practice random acts of kindness like smiling to strangers or buying your friend their favourite chocolate next time you see them. In the end, as humans we all thrive off one thing: genuine human connection. Yet we are so caught up in our own lives that we sometimes forget that others are living theirs too.

- Aurora

p.s. there's actually a musical group called Sonder who I really love. The main musician is Brent Faiyaz and my favourite song of theirs is called Feel. 10/10 recommend.