Written on April 30th 2019
It sounds repetitive, I know. "Get as much experience as you can!" "You need to stand out, everyone will have done the same things as you!"
This is what has been fed down our throats for a majority of secondary school but - and I hate to say it - they were right.
By 'getting yourself out there', I don't mean signing up to NCS (although it's a great experience) and that's it, I mean, in simple terms: getting out of your comfort zone.
That's it! Easier said than done, of course.
My Evolution
My character 4-5 years ago compared to my character now are two completely different people. From ages of about twelve to sixteen, I was quite introverted and was almost always exhaustive with social anxiety. Although I still very much carry these same elements today, it's not quite as intense as my former self. I found it quite difficult to form strong bonds with people and it would require an immense amount of resemblance and chemistry in order for this happen. Because I was so afraid of not filling a void which I thought had to be filled, I would often refrain from doing things that were necessary for growth. Things that involved people and interaction with other human beings. I stayed the same withdrawn, insecure and precarious girl for a number of years. I was the type of person to literally run home from school each day just so that I can have space and time for myself. Anything to get away from the crowd. Although, I still really really look forward to this today and I'm sure many of you do, too.
What I had come to realise later on was that, despite being very comfortable with my tendencies, it all became very mundane. I didn't enjoy things I used to enjoy and I just became very bored. I suddenly became interested in (*surprise surprise*) becoming a better person. I had come across a multitude of concepts, such as self-help and growth, which had unfastened a universe of new things. The word 'new' was so frightening to me; the thought of even doing something even an inch out of what I knew would scare the absolute shit out of me. But I found that 'new' and 'uncomfortable' were common themes across what I was reading into. The simple concept that you had to do things you were not comfortable with in order to discover yourself further and grow was simply something I could not grasp.
So, with this in mind, I set out and did the best I could. 2016 was quite a brilliant year, I met some new people and formed relationships with others that I never imagined I would. I reached out to any opportunities my way and tried to experience as much as possible. I turned 16 (which sounds crazy considering I'm 19 in a few months) and thought that this was the age that I was going to really change. The year ended on a low and this continued the forthcoming year in 2017. It was a year of struggle and indecisiveness - my first year taking exams that actually mattered and deciding important things involving my future. I became lost in the fire of abruptly growing up in the space of months and it all kind of came crashing down that year.
The indecisiveness proceeded in 2018, but 2018 was one of my favourite years to date. Why? Because I did so many NEW THINGS. Overall, it took me almost 3 years to reach this kind of plateau which I reached the peak of last year. However, I'd also like to argue that the peak is almost never existent when it comes to this.
Truly, it started with my decision to re-take my academic year. I was hungry for a fresh start and fuelled with so much discipline to do well. This involved being launched into a new year group - Year 12, the year below me. A different age group, who went through different things, and who had already formed schemas of their year group. It was tough at first, but I think I have integrated just fine with them. If you had asked me 4 years ago if I would ever even consider starting afresh with the year group below me, I would have shook my head.
What 2018 had also consisted of was getting my first job. This was, and I cannot stress this enough, an utter milestone in the person that I am today - and I wish I had done it sooner! Having a job teaches you so much resilience. Well, it did for me.
Oh my God - I had this one shift at a high-end Hotel in Kensington where I thought I was going to be a waitress for the night, until the shift manager appointed for me to FOLD NAPKINS for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT. I couldn't even sit. I was there, standing at a counter, folding close to around a thousand napkins in a particular way. I can't even remember if I had a break or not. It was probably one of my most tiresome and lengthy tests of endurance I ever had. It was that day that I decided to quit. It was an agency, meaning that every shift was unpredictable and that was one thing I hated - uncertainty.
Getting my first paycheck was a feeling like no other, and I couldn't get enough of it. I found another job at the supermarket, Co-op. I worked at Co-op for a total of around 5 months until I became extremely bored of retail. It was just a rotation of the same two roles - being on the tills and stacking shelves. I quit working there in March after becoming sick of my new staff and the store in general. The pay was good, though.
Despite going through what I went through, working in retail is such a valuable experience. It taught me many things, but especially resilience and discipline. Going to shifts when feeling very ill, doing 8 hour shifts straight with only one 30-minute break, barely having the time to sit down. My biggest takeaway from working in retail was the people skills. I finally learnt how to talk to strangers! I finally learnt what to do with a rude customer. Before, I would have shied away and perhaps called my manager or let the rude customer take advantage of me, but then I learnt how to actually stand my ground and respond accordingly. I handled many things myself, and the best thing about working in retail is getting the occasional really nice customer. There was this one time when I was serving a pretty ginger woman, and somehow both of our sense of humour clicked with one another's whilst I was looking for the cigarettes she asked me for at the till. She was 27, she asked how old I was and then said "You're going to be really fun when you're older" and that she loved me (in a funny kind of non-creepy way). It was things like that which really stuck with me. Previously, talking to strangers would have been my worst nightmare.
Ultimately, working in retail had taught me to gain confidence. Although I hated working there, it has lead me to my current employment position today. I am currently training to work as a manager at a tuition centre, after being promoted from a tutor. As well as this, I am also starting my first lesson as a private tutor with a separate company this week! I absolutely love my jobs - I think I finally found my passion, which is tutoring. The gift of giving knowledge is something I thoroughly enjoy and would want to pursue in the future. Because I love it so much, I find it quite effortless.
Moral
The thing is, I wouldn't have found the confidence to get into my current jobs if it wasn't for working in retail. I wouldn't have found the resilience and the ability to talk to people without having a nervous breakdown if it wasn't for going through what I went through as a Waitress and as a Sales Assistant. It's all about working your way up. After finding out that I had to come out of my shell in some way or another, it started with the small things. It started with doing things like the Duke of Edinburgh Award (which I ABSOLUTELY HATED) and signing up to NCS. This then lead me to go up a step in the ladder. It was kind of like a growth hierarchy for me, one that never ended and one that constantly tested me. Sure, it was very frightening at first, but it did end up getting easier as I kept going. Being aged twelve to sixteen, I was so incredibly concerned with things like wanting to look a certain way and impressing everyone I knew, until growing up I had realised (as everyone does) that there is so much more to life than that. What I had learnt especially was that there is always room for improvement. You never reach what you want to be unless you go that extra step further. It's no fun being stuck in the same place your whole life. There's got to be some movement. So, do say "Yes" to things. It doesn't really matter what it is, because there will always be something you will take away regardless. For example, work experience in retail had made me discover that working in retail is something that I never want to do again. Going on an expedition as part of DofE made me realise that I never want to go hiking again LOL. The point is, there's not much to lose. Everything is a step towards independence and, looking back, I am so grateful for having said "Yes" to things. Growth is something, I believe, everyone should strive for. Just the idea that I can now kind of 'be my own boss' as a private tutor due to my build-up of time management, organisation and confidence skills is something I never would have imagined a few years ago. The great thing is, experiences like this are also GREAT for employability - employers love a candidate who can step out of their comfort zone and demonstrate a range of skills.
(Here comes the cheese) Life is about learning and applying that knowledge across different experiences. There really is nothing to lose if you just apply for that job, sign up to that club, volunteer to do some public speaking. The more you do these things, the better you will become a much more well-rounded person.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk xxx
Good Luck.
- Aurora :)
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