Written on March 18th 2019
I am sure you have encountered a situation where you feel something so strongly, yet nothing can bring you to voice what it is.
I am sure you have encountered a situation where you desire to satisfy a particular urge, yet nothing can bring you to act upon it.
I am sure you have encountered a situation where you have let an overdose of pride get in the way of something significant.
Pride? consciousness of one’s own dignity.
Or, in other words, too much of it is: a sense of shame, fear, a negative view of high self-regard to the point that what really matters is forgotten.
Pride in practice
Let’s take a simple example.
You have had an argument with your close friend. Not a huge argument, just one over something petty. You stop talking to them, and they stop talking to you. Days go by, and you still haven’t muttered a word to one another.
The next thing you hear is that something bad has happened to your friend, they were involved in a life-threatening situation and it has resulted in their death.
At this point, would you feel regretful having left on bad terms?
At this point, do you wish you had resolved whatever needed resolving?
The simple answer is yes, however, one may argue that whatever happened was meant to happen. They had left you on bad terms for a reason, and there is no chance you would have interfered to change the Universe’s plan.
One may argue that the death had interfered with the process of friendship itself, that arguments are normal and the death had just happened coincidentally at the wrong time.
Sure, those points are valid, but have you considered what it would have been like if you had just resolved the issue? If you had just let go of that one petty thing which was not even worth the conflict?
Would you have spent more time together, just in those days before the death?
Would you have made their last days that one extra bit better, without them even realising?
After all, it’s all a matter of opinion which everyone is entitled to, but my opinion coincides with the idea that having too much pride in this case and not having the will to resolve this issue with your friend sooner is way too deadly. But that’s just me - I could not live with the guilt.
This particular example interlinks with many other real-life examples.
Let’s say you have a friend who is going through a rough time. You’re a man, and talking about feelings is not something you and your friends really do due to the supposed ‘stigma’ attached to males and feelings.
You’re concerned about your friend, they’re starting to show symptoms of depression: lengthy periods of sleep; isolation; loss of appetite; demotivation etc.
You start to feel weird, you want to ask them how they’re feeling, you want them to open up, yet you don’t know how to get them to do this. You don’t want to come across as unusual, you don’t want to make your relationship with them turn weird by going too deep, so you leave it. You watch from afar as your friend crumbles, and you don’t want to offer support because it might break a certain image.
You are too afraid to ask a simple “How are you doing man? What’s on your mind? Be honest.” because it is something the culture of your friendship group is not used to. It is something the culture of your gender is not used to. Let’s keep in mind that in 2017, 5,821 suicides were recorded in Great Britain. Of these, 75% were male and 25% were female. (Source: Office for National Statistics)
At the same time, you cannot place blame on yourself as a friend if your friend is getting worse. It is not about you. From my own experience I can say 100% that the most a friend can do in a time like this is be there and offer maximum support. You cannot fix them, but you can open up the conversation and act as a stepping-stone to further recovery.
Thus, in this case, having too much pride in image, a stigma, a taboo, can cost a life. Ask your hypothetical self in this situation, is it worth not talking about something so personal just so you don’t look or feel a certain way? What is the worse that can happen? Feeling out of place, unusual, weird?
Something that completely baffles me every time I experience it is how I could go from having such a perfect relation with somebody to not knowing them at all.
It’s so crazy - You could go from knowing every detail about someone: their favourite food; their favourite book; their tendencies; personality traits, talking to them often, resorting to them in times of need ... to being strangers again, like nothing happened. To encountering them on the street and pretending you did not notice them. That person is really out there, knowing your life story almost, and just maintaining that information for free.
I simply cannot grasp this concept.
The point I am trying to make in this short blog post is that life is simply too short to have too much pride, as cheesy and as cliché as that sounds. It is true.
Why not just talk to that person you have been dying to talk to?
Why not just ask your friend how they are actually, genuinely feeling?
Why not just DO THAT THING YOU HAVE BEEN WANTING TO DO FOR AGES?
Why not just start that hobby?
Why not just let that person know how you truly feel about them?
Why not just be honest?
Why not just reconcile with your ex?
Why not just reconcile with your ex-bestfriend? (I mean, I’m sure there’s valid reasons for these last two questions but, think about the magnitude of the issue in this case)
Why not just let go of that grudge that you have been holding against this person for ages?
Sure, a lot of these things require a multitude of trial-and-error and a deep critique of the situation. But the thing is, you will never know until you try it out. Maybe it will turn out for the worst, yet maybe it will turn out for the best.
A wise man once said that you will regret NOT doing something rather than regret actually doing that thing.
Please, let go of your pride in some cases, swallow that shit, let them know how you feel, be honest, be true. I’m cheesy, I know - but I feel like being cheesy is the only way I can get my point across!
Keep in mind that nothing is promised. Tomorrow is not promised. Do what you have always wanted to do, let it weigh out the potential consequences.
What is there to lose?
Good Luck.
- Aurora
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